Abbi Haynes (nee Rabin)

Finishing strong!

Well, I managed to reach my targets - both fundraising and walking. Thank you to everyone who helped. This month I have continued to try and work through my ongoing trauma with the church. A week ago I was removed from a church ladies Whatsapp group - no contact before this decision was made. Personally I didn't feel this a very Christian approach to the situation. All it did was just affirm my belief that my previous Church wanted me out and was very happy to see the back of me. This journey has made me research what the bible has to say about resolving conflict. What does the Bible say about conflict resolution? | GotQuestions.org https://share.google/c8Rl4LeNy0ngm7nVO 12 months ago I was hugely affected by how a conflict i had with church leadership was handled. At the time I felt it was all on me. I looked to the Pastors for the example on how to handle conflict. The example I was set though was avoiding on open conversation to resolve the situation and help me understand things properly. Just move on and sweep the past under the carpet even though from my side I still had lots of unresolved questions. There was no understanding, no prayerful conversation, no humility and definitely no closure to allow for healing. Did I handle things perfectly - definitely not! My reactions stemmed from the hurt I was experiencing which heightened my bipolar traits. So - where do things stand for me now? I'm trying to lean into God, look to Scripture for guidance, call out things that are not christ like and process my hurts so I can move forward without being triggered. I am Jewish born and bred and grew up in the UK. Mix this with my bipolar traits which include empathy, a fixation on social justice and becoming detail focused when triggered. Its really no surprise that I stick out like a sore thumb in Australian church environments. My upbringing has encouraged me to have a voice, an opinion and try and resolve conflict with direct and honest communication. What I have observed since living in Australia and becoming a Christian. Australians generally tend to shy away from any form of disagreement and prefer to stick their head in the sand. They prefer to keep the peace and just tow the line. Christians generally take this approach too - thinking nearly everything can be resolved by prayer and handing everything over to God! The fact that the bible has Scripture counselling on what actions to take to resolve conflict means that this does happen and we are expected to do more than just pray about it. In addition I am trying to navigate Bipolar, Menopause and ADHD. It's a steep learning curve trying to juggle the multiple symptoms I seem to be experiencing. How do I work out with symptoms I experience which condition they are related to? There is obviously a significant overlap, but the medication course of treatment would vary depending on the cause. How do others navigate this? Lastly I have been leaning on my support group more heavily this month. I am so thankful and blessed to have good friends around me to help me through this journey. Photo: My painting - not yet finished, but still a work in progress. This is obviously the phoenix rising from the ashes. I hope and pray I can rise up from the trauma I've felt to become a stronger and more resilient person. Share

Bipolar or menopause - who knows???

So, at the start of this month one of the medical practitioners i see regularly raised a good point with me. For a while now I had been experiencing higher irritability than normal, along with significant brain fog/forgetfulness. The latter was getting so bad I was wondering if perhaps I was getting early onset dementia. The number of times i couldn't find the word i was looking for, someone's name, I'd regularly leave my handbag places, forget what i was in the middle of doing and have to retrace my steps to jog my memory. The list was endless! As i shared this stuff with her and expressed how I was struggling with my bipolar symptoms atm, she asked if I'd been tested for Menopause, because the symptoms I was describing were classic ones for Menopause and Peri-menapause. Over the next few weeks I went to the Dr, did the questionnaire form, got blood tests and discovered yes, I was indeed in Menopause - with low Estrogen levels. Where previously i had been considering adjusting my bipolar medication, it turned out I actually needed hormone replacement treatment. I've only just started the gel in the last 3 days, so no idea if it will make a significant difference. I really hope it does though! Maybe this was part of the reason I was struggling to learn lines and dance steps for Shrek. 🤷‍♀️ So my question is - when you have a mental health condition and many of the symptoms overlap how can you tell is it's a mental health issue or a menopause issue. I have a marina, so I haven't had periods for years, and I haven't had any hot flushes - both of which are common indicators. Back in mid 2023 I had a massive hypomanic episode - my irritability levels were off the charts, and I had symptoms I had never experienced before. It was followed by a massive crash and 18-months of chronic depression. I strongly suspect now that this episode was linked to peri-Menopause, but how would i actually know. None of my medical professionals raised this with me and only focused on the mental health condition. What is the best way to handle two different conditions with overlapping symptoms when the treatment is vastly different? Share

The good, the bad and the ugly!

This week feels like a roller-coaster ride of emotions. The highs are high (but hopefully not too much), and the lows are low and triggering at times. I'm currently delving deep into my tool kit needing multiple resources to keep from falling into a hole. This is just in the last 7 days The Highs • Bargain Books Went to the fair to support Julie's Underneath My Umbrella stall. It was nearly the end of the day, as i had tried to listen to my body and have a chilled quiet morning. Found a book stall there, and as it was the end of the day they were selling a bag for $2. Without going into too much detail let's just say i had a field day! • Filling My Cup Attended the SU Jazz night fundraiser and had a surprisingly good time. One new friend from my Facebook group came and we had a lovely catch up. I met some new people and had great uplifting conversations. • God's Provision As walking from the car park to the Jazz event I passed 2 large boxes labelled 'FREE PUZZLES'. I collected and put in the car. What an absolute blessing! These items were mostly New or As New and were quality products. Now the challenge is deciding where best to use these items. Raffle fundraisers, sell and raise funds, gift to those struggling - so many options. • Church in person After a season of doing Church Online I have finally taken the step to returning to church community. Unfortunately, it'll only be for a few weeks as we're heading overseas. However, it was lovely to be back and chat to some new people after the service. • Painting and Healing After more than a year I have finally reconnected with Christina doing art (painting currently). I have missed our sessions together and I'm so thankful that she is now running NDIS groups out of Graman and that i have the space and capacity and funding to attend. • Walking does Wonders I was able to do a walk and talk catch up with Roxane. I am moving towards my fundraiser goal of 30km, but more importantly we found the time to spend together. • Myotherapy Maintenance I am so blessed to have a weekly appointment to address all the physical issues that i deal with. From lower back issues, to shoulder and neck pains, to feet and calf soreness. Not only do I feel the benefits for the physical work Yvette does, but I also get to chat and process all the stuff that has cropped up throughout the week. This really is a 2 for 1 deal for me! • Family Counselling Helps Its been nearly a year now and I'm really glad we can be supported through our challenges. Its painfully slow to make any progress, but if I reflect back from where we were to where we are now there has been definite progress. My kids don't immediately leave the room when I enter, and we actually do SOME Family things together....and not every interaction ends in being triggered! • Cavell is Community The weekly community meal i sometimes attend run by my old Church was a big hit. The food was amazing (so much so I took down the recipe), I got to chat with new people this week, and I caught up with a few people from my previous Church who were serving. • Sorting is a Superpower Fortnightly I see my support worker and we sort stuff around the house together. This regular catch up keeps me accountable and keeps me on track. Having mostly finished the filing cabinet so I could downsize, this week we focused on reclaiming the lounge room from all the bits I'd 'acquired' during the week! • Gym junkie - definitely not! After missing a number of weekly appointments at Pro Active in was finally able to make my appointment. No more Shrek commitments, exhaustion or rib stains standing in the way. • Theatre is my Therapy Getting to live theatre always fills my cup, but catching up with a friend also is the icing on the cake! Urinetown in Rowville was this week's outing - nice and local - even better! • Sparrow Collective is My Lighthouse As I pulled together the reel from the showcase photos and artworks I took this week i was able to reflect on what a haven this place is for me. No judgement, full acceptance of where I'm at and a Safe place to offload if ever needed. • Women of Grace Group - its Wonderful and Godly! This group meets once a month and i find the catch ups so beneficial. They help me to focus my thoughts, look at where I am and how I can grow - all from a godly perspective. Totally bummed I won't be able to attend now • FOFA Feeds Me! Feed One Feed All where i volunteer (usually on Fridays) had a totally awesome lunch for us all yesterday. Peking Duck Rolls was the highlight with other Asian delights. Good food and good company - what more does anyone The Lows • Flagging energy I was too exhausted to attend a garage sale i wanted to get to, and only managed to visit the UMU stall (I had wanted to stay and help). I also was too exhausted to attend the pot luck dinner prior to the Jazz Night. By Thursday I was hitting the wall again and didn't have the capacity to attend the CYC Equip • Missing out on Family Time My kids weren't able to attend the SU event with me in the end as they were visiting their Nan in hospital in Ballarat • Learning to roll with the punches The weekly family dinner got cancelled on the day for the second time. This was triggering and raised so many emotions • Family Counselling - its taking forever! Literally before leaving for our appointment i exploded (yet again) at my son! Why am I always so triggered. How can it be nearly 12 months of working on stuff and we're still dealing with the same triggers. Its exhausting. Sometimes I just want to give up on the whole thing. • Running late can cost you - literally! I got caught up trying to fit too much in, and not leaving a buffer. So, when someone else was late it meant I was running late for my Dr appointment. Even though I spoke to the GP reception and explained i was on my way apparently she couldn't accomodate seeing me still and I had to reschedule for the following day. I specifically book my appointments in the bulk billing time slots. I was then charged a $40 no show fee, which the Dr has the option to waive but even when I tried to explain the situation she refused to consider it. This felt like a bit of a dick move as far as I was concerned. • Triggering Tales Listening to tales of needs within a church not being met because members aren't willing to step up, give sacrificially which we as Christians are called to do and trust that God will provide is also triggering. When the default is 'someone else can do it' and everyone is too focused on their own family commitments to look at the bigger picture, i can find this triggering. Keep It Simple - Just ask yourself - WWJD? and Which of these things are Kingdom focused? • Church TRAUMA Continues This week I was removed from a church Whatsapp group without any discussion or consultation. Right now I can't even talk/blog about it! • FOFA frustrations! Depending on how im travelling will heavily impact my reactions. This week has been emotionally challenging (as you can read). Walking into the pantry that I have spent hours working on to try and make it as easy and functional for everyone - only to find multiple items in the wrong places and just pretty much placed anywhere just sent me over the top! I was so triggered i nearly left straight away. A few choice swear words, some deep breaths, a yummy feed and conversation regulated me enough to be able to address things. I choose to focus on how to fix the issues rather than why can't people just follow an easy system that's there to help others! Quite frankly I don't get it and my brain does not compute ! Share

Being on fire - comes with warning for bipolar ⚠️

Today I woke up super late for me 8.30am, and I was feeling refreshed. I had my support worker at 10am. Apparently I'd been awake during the night catching up on messages I'd not found the time to send during the day. So many things in my head, so many ideas for myself and others. • raising money (for myself/charities) • clearing stuff i don't need anymore • craft ideas to make for myself/sell/gift • garden stuff that's been on my list for years • more sorting around the house ....the list goes on. My support worker was there for 2 hours and we spent time unpacking and sorting stuff that had found its way to my place over the last 2 weeks. I spent the whole time chatting while we worked together sharing ideas and concepts with her. Currently my decluttering involves: • donating to Op Shops • donating on Free Facebook groups • selling stuff on market place • pulling together raffle prizes for charities • making craft pieces to sell/gift • concepts of holding a British Tombola Market Stall • revamping the cupboard and then decorating the spare room to make it more functional • decorating and reorganising Siobhan's old room (now she has moved into Elijah's room) to make it more of a study and craft room ....and all of that is what is just popping into my head as I write this. So many ideas! It can become overwhelming - but I have learnt over time to slow things down when it becomes like this and just make lists and slowly work through them. My notes pages and task pages on my phone keep blowing up - but as I try and write everything down it stops me forgetting. I have a finite time before we visit family overseas, so I have to be realistic in what I can do before leaving. To my Christian friends out there I hear you cry - where is God in all of this? That's a whole seperate list. But I believe without his strength and power I would not make it through half of these things. Maybe tomorrow I'll share how I fill myself through God and where I am still hoping to make improvements. When life is good and you get a buzz from nearly everything you are doing its really hard to put on the brakes. No one really wants to stop the 'feeling good'. 😌 BUT....I've learnt from experience. To just keep riding the wave up and up leads to the inevitable crash! Operating on these levels for extended periods of time is not sustainable. My job for now is to keep turning the dial down a tad so I can ride the wave safely to shore. photo of Kirby and Microwave showing me how to enjoy some chill time Share

My church journey!

I have attended 4 different churches during my journey to faith, and I has certainly been a tricky ride. My first church was Knox Community Baptist Church (KCBC). I met a bunch of wonderful people there, many of whom I would still consider friends today. However, churches can also be run like corporations, and this church was a newly merged church that essentially ended up imploding due to issues within the leadership. I wasn't even a Christian at this point, and it totally shattered my world. Over time I ended up walking away from church because it had been so painful and my view on Christians was totally disillusioned. I eventually returned to church with the support of my friends who were doing life with me. I went to One Hope Community Church (OHCC). Again I met a number of lovely friends here that helped support me through one of the darkest times - my journey through family courts. When my ex essentially ran off with our kids and refused to let me see them or know where they were - i had to get a recovery order to have them returned. Being in the court system took few years and did a real number on my mental health. It was my church family who helped to support me through this. Sure, there were people in the church who didn't get my struggles and judged me accordingly, but in general I definitely felt loved and accepted. I ended up moving on from this church (on good terms) for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the pastors all left over the course of a couple of years - moving to missional church, moving interstate to get married and moving interstate to be with family. The second reason was i was struggling with my depression and wasn't really functional in the mornings. I ended up looking for a local church that had an evening service and a good youth program. This was my third church - Bright Church in Wantirna. Once again the congregation in this church are gorgeous, and I have a number of very supportive loving friends I met by being there. But, as you have seen - it came with its challenges. I have now started attending Crossway - East Burwood campus and I think it will be a good fit. Its way bigger than anything I was considering, but they have many programs helping out in the local community and this is where I like to serve. I could try and do it on my own, without God in my life - but quite honestly, that really wasn't working very well for me. I get that this doesn't make sense to atheists (my family in the UK included). I'm not here to try and convince people that God exists, or answer why we live in a world with so much pain and suffering. I just know that for me personally I believe what the bible says. Are there churches and Christians that abuse their standing, power, hurt others either intentionally or unintentionally? - absolutely. For me, I take people as they are, try to forgive wrongdoings and take comfort knowing that I am loved and I am enough! Share

More reflections on church hurts

I thought i had moved past being affected, but it seems that it hasn't been that straight forward. It's taken me nearly a year to be able to share my truth, and hopefully its a bit more measured after all this time. Up until now I have shared some of this stuff with close friends only - and that was purely for processing purposes. However, I have always had a heart for others and protecting the vulnerable who can't always stand up for themselves - even if it ends up costing me emotionally. Now was the right time for me to raise this awareness and not just walk away in silence. I do not doubt if you spoke to the leadership team their take on the situation would certainly vary. I believe a vast amount of the issues stem from this church being a part-time church, and everyone, staff and volunteers, are all time poor. This has often been the reason/excuse given regarding issues i was experiencing. I guess from a member of the congregations perspective one piece of advice would be 'DON'T PROMISE WHAT YOU CAN'T DELIVER!' • Don't offer training on your website that isn't actually being freely offered to anyone • Don't ask your congregation for prayer requests and then pull them up for submitting too many prayer requests • Don't offer someone from the pastoral care team to follow up if you provide contact details and then not follow through! This is just a few examples of what i personally experienced. These are easy things to address - only say what you mean and can actually deliver on! I am very literal, so i take these things at their word, not just ideas we are trying to aspire to. In my mind this translates to lying - which is a MASSIVE trigger for me. Share

Working through church trauma with art

Today I got to get back to painting with the lovely Christina who is now running a group out of Graman in Bayswater. I was going to work on finishing a piece I'd started a while back, but as the session progressed I felt the urge to try and deal with the past hurt I had experienced while being at Bright Church. Things had been cropping up still for me in the last few weeks that I was still finding triggering (even though I haven't actually been going there for months now). The Bright posts still pop up on my Facebook feeds, and I still listen to the sermons online becase the preaching is still very good. It started with me writing out all the negative feelings I had experienced there from leadership. Judged, rejected, unworthy, unloved, less than, a faliure, unable to fit in their box etc etc....it was quite a full list written on the canvas. Then after wiping off those charcoal words I replaced them with positive words about myself - fortunately this was an even longer list. After this i started to paint. I only managed to get the background done today, and that is the photo shown. Hopefully, I'll be able to complete this painting before we leave for England. Just to give you some insight into how I have struggled in a church environment with mental health challenges. Last year i applied to do the Internship at church - wanting to grow in my faith and be supported in this journey with other Christians hungry to learn. Both my kids had done the internship the previous year and I had seen how much they had grown during the year. On being called in for my interview I subsequently found out that I had been rejected from doing the internship. I got to sit there for well over 45 minutes where 2 of the pastors told me all my faults and why I was not suitable for the internship. There was not one single positive thing about me mentioned in this meeting and it was certainly not delivered in a Christ like manner with grace, compassion and understanding. Needless to say, when I left that day I was feeling exceedingly crushed (totally devastated in fact). In the following days I sent an email asking for clarification on some of the points raised - to which I did not get a response at all. I felt so insignificant that I wasn't even worthy of their time to warrant a reply. My bipolar traits often mean that i require information and explanation behind things for me to be able to mentally process stuff. When i tried to follow up with leadership to get what i needed to try and work through things i was pretty much shut down and informed this was the end of the matter - they did not have the time to communicate with me any more on this issue. I was just left feeling rejected, a burden to others and definitely not wanted at my church. They tolerated me because I showed up, but the leadership did not see me as an asset to the church with gifts they could use, but nore of a burden to be endured. I was the thorn in their side! During this time i was ready to walk away from everything. Life - yes, to begin with - who wants to live in a world where even Christians who are supposed to love and accept everyone reject you? This got walked back to walking away from people all together. I convinced myself I could be happy at home with Netflix and my cat - I'd done it before. I then realised that there were places and people in the community that did accept me (along with my imperfections) and still loved and appreciated me - because they chose to focus on the positives I would bring to a situation. I could still volunteer at FOFA and Underneath My Umbrella and attend my NDIS art and craft groups and not feel like a freak or unwanted - who needed God and church if they were so unaccepting of me? But....I was still struggling because I liked having God in my life. I felt like I was a better version of me trying to live the way Jesus teaches us. The sermons i listened to were inspiring and helpful, so I had to seperate Church from Faith and realise that churches are made up of people, and people aren't perfect. I prayed about this to see if God wanted me to stay at Bright and help the leadership learn about inclusivity and what it really looks like, or if he wanted me to leave. I really didn't want to leave a place where I had so many good friends that did accept me, but I had lost all respect for the leadership - and this was obviously a big issue. Both my kids were still fully invested in Bright, and I liked being able to bond with them over sermons and friends etc. I tried so hard to make it work. I requested starting up a small group - focused on doing life together - rejected. I requested a mentor within the church to work through the training offered on their website which said they would find someone to do it with you - they couldn't find anyone within the church community willing to do this. The Facebook posts I had sent to the Bright Church page enquiring if anyone in the church community wanted to help at the missional games group were not approved and just left pending. Prayer requests i asked to be contacted about even after having raised this with leadership continued to be ignored and I was barely ever contacted. A sermon that i messaged the pastor about asking to unpack it a bit because I had questions took over 3 weeks to even get a response, and they never did make the time to chat with me about it. God had given me my answer as to whether to stay or go, and I just had to follow his lead. To move forward I needed to try and find a new church that accepted me, my mental health struggles and my neurodivesity. I continued to attend Bright night services for a couple more months, and enjoyed the time with my kids and other friends, i just didn't interact with the leadership team considering the general consensus amongst them i had learnt was that most of them had issues with me. Unfortunately, it wasn't specified which leaders especially, so it was easier to keep away from them all. I now felt judged by them all anyway. As time passed I was contacted by the senior pastor who informed me that as I did not consider Bright Church my home church anymore I was not able to serve on the service teams anymore. He then proceeded to 'enquirie' as to why i was still choosing to attend small group, with a definite sway to imply that they'd prefer me not to, and to just go to a group at a new church. During these weeks my mental health would continue to take hits weekly and I eventually accepted the fact that I had to stop going before I ended up back in a full blown depressive episode. So....why have I still been triggered and affected even now? There are two main reasons. 1) There have been numerous posts on Facebook promoting the Internship for next year - people saying how great it's been for them etc. Why not give a year to God, be supported in your growth, just put in an application. Its presented as available for everyone, we'd love to have you. Everyone gets accepted (just not me!) 2) The recent sermon posted called Charlie, Culture and Church was a great sermon. It spoke a lot about coming from a place of enquiry, especially where there are differences of opinion. This was triggering because I have not felt the leadership practice what they are preaching - or maybe this is also just not with me. At a bare minimum when the Senior Pastor found out i was not calling Bright Church my home church anymore you would expect some curiosity about why this was, but that never happened even while he had phoned me. I don't think they could show me the door quick enough, with a good riddance on the way out. So what now? How to move past all this. Hopefully sharing here will help let it go. The painting will help healing and forgiveness, along with prayer. Maybe one day Bright Church will embrace real inclusion and get some proper training to help Leadership understand what this really looks like in practice - not just tryingto tick a box. Generally congregations follow the approach of their leadership team. Until that time Bright Church will continue to be a cookie cutter place, which is generally fine for a large percentage of the population (just not me!) If you have kids or youth with additional needs they seem to be able and willing to accommodate that within families. However, if you rock up as an adult and don't really fit into the box, have your guard up to protect yourself. I have seen too many of us come and end up leaving, and that's just in the 20 months I attended. Share

Winnie the pooh and friends wisdom

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17PWefzqNb/ These Pooh reflections just seem to capture what mental health struggles can be like so well. If you are a friend/support person of someone who struggles and what advice how to support them go and do some Winnie the Pooh research! Currently I think I'm in a Tigger Phase - lots of bounce in my days - to the point I am struggling to slow down. I've definitely experienced Pooh phases, and also Eeyore times. I try to be a piglet to others when I have capacity! Share

Overwhelmed by prayer requests!

For those who know me well you know I'm a major empath. I feel for others deeply, and at times this can become overwhelming. This week especially I am feeling like I'm drowning in emotions. In the last 7 days I have had the following prayer requests drop into my life. • 2 young kids very sick with cancer • 1 child having major surgery on legs • 2 friends/family parents pass away • 1 childhood friend pass away from cancer • 1 family member in hospital from heart attack - awaiting details • 1 friend in hospital with mental health struggles • 2 friend husband/dad battling mental health issues with suicidal thoughts and on top of this my body was not coping earlier in the week with sprained ribs - so I wasn't sleeping. Fortunately my myotherapist helped along with meditation. But....my head is spinning with all this stuff and I am just feeling lots of feelings! I'm very thankful I have a craft group on this morning to help me settle the brain and recalibrate. Share

Spanner in the works!

After a super busy weekend with Birthday Celebrations Saturday Night, the Shrek Cast Party Sunday Lunchtime and going to see Annie Saturday night - I'm in serious pain from sprained ribs on my left side. I think I did it helping out at FOFA on Friday as we had to clear a number of pantry shelves. I was moving stuff way too heavy for me and bending and stretching a lot. Now I'm paying the price. I haven't slept at all well the last 3 nights, and I'm now on anti-inflamatories and panadol after seeing my myotherapist. I don't think I'll manage too much exercise for a couple of days. Share

Life the last 5 years!

The journey over the last 5 years has been rather turbulent. Covid and the subsequent lockdowns had a massive effect on my mental health, with the final Lockdown sending me to a very dark place. The battle out of my depression was long and hard, but by Jan 2023 I was there. My kids and I were in a new church together, and I was on fire. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to recognise the signs, as I was heading into a full-blown hypomanic episode. This hit critical point at my daughter Siobhan's 18th birthday party - and it took a number of weeks to get the necessary treatment. Unfortunately, as is often the case, after the high came THE CRASH. This included an 18-month bout of chronic depression However, from the start of 2024, I have been coping with my mental health struggles so much better, and I really want to celebrate the fact that I haven't had a 'Major Episode' for nearly 2 years now. Sure, during this period, I have had triggers (some very significant ones) to cope with. These triggers caused me to: • Leave volunteering at Ben's Place:- BUT - this allowed me to find my place with my FOFA (Feed One Feed All) family • Leave Bright Church:- BUT - this allowed me to lean into God more and find a church that is better suited to me being neurodivese and values the gifts God gave me. I am currently finding my place at Crossway and have found a wonderful small group to be part of. I have found a passion for Kingdom focused organisations and have fully embraced serving on Scripture Union and Christian Youth Camps. • Go to family counselling:- BUT - this is a positive because this is allowing us to learn and try and understand each other better. Instead of hanging onto anger and frustration at each other, I am trying to focus on the positives, showing grace, compassion, and understanding. (Yep, there's still room for significant improvement here!)🤪😜 • Go on a trip to Norfolk Island where my back went, and i was struggling in pain throughout the whole trip • Go to UK in the midst of my depression and just be a blob in England • Go on a mission trip to Thailand where I experienced significant issues with swelling of ankles and returned with an full blown infection on my foot:- BUT - I learnt steps to take to try and cope with potential physical and mental challenges. This has given me the confidence to travel overseas again at the end of this year with my kids, not only to see family, but to be tourists together in the UK for over 2 months. • Have my kids pull away from me where it felt like they couldn't bear to be in the same room as me:- BUT - this made me focus on myself and what makes me happy, and try and value 'me' for a change. Through this, I have rekindled my love for art and creativity. I now regularly attend art groups twice a week and have found myself not only enjoying going to the theatre, but actually becoming part of a local theatre group. Over the last 5 years, I have had to learn to repent and keep coming back to God. In the thick of my darkest times God wasn't even on my radar, and I would struggle feeling very alone....but I reflect on one of my favourite poems Footprints in the Sand, and maybe God was actually carrying me through those times? This last year, especially, I have been trying to lean into God more when hard times hit. I have been able to reflect on the teaching that when bad things happen, God uses them for good. As you can see from the examples above, God has totally used some significant challenges I faced to help me learn and grow. I am grateful I am able to recognise these situations more and more. The year I was turning 50, I wasn't convinced I'd still be here at 55. I was ready to give up on life - it was all just too hard. 5 years on things are looking very different. Thank you to those of you who have been part of this journey. You may know how you've helped, or you may be completely unaware. Just know that for me, at that moment in time, you made a difference. Thank you 🥰 Share

Late to the party!

Just like last year I've been a bit late getting started promoting my fundraiser - but with good reason! I was in a production of Shrek, and our shows were 2-4th Oct. Those walk logs you see at the start were actually more dance logs. 🤣🤣🤣 Since the show I've been sick with a cold, and had my birthday celebrations (Yep- I survived getting another year older!) Now it's time to focus on this great worthy cause again - raising mental health awareness. I'll try and post adhoc throughout the month, so keep watching if you want a snippet into the head of someone living with Bipolar 2. Share

Watch this space

The last 12 month have been another roller-coaster (which is generally the case when living with Bipolar). The good news is that although I have had some major triggers since October 2024, I was able to access my supports and lessons learnt along the way to avoid a full blown episode of becoming hypomanic or chronic depression.  Along the way I have changed churches and moved out of home for a period of time - both related to mental health issues.  I'll share more on this later.  We also had 2 new additions to the family  - Kirby and Microwave,  our 2 adorable cats (well, the latter is still a mischievous kitten).  More on them later too.  Welcome to a glimpse into my life - struggles and all! Share

Embracing Differences

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