Andee

Day 7

Day 6

Day 5

Day 4

You are worth it

TW: self harm.

I realised the other day that the first time I did this walk a few years ago, my motivation at the time was hearing my sister say "I don't want to be here anymore." A few other things happened that year but those words had stuck out to me at the time. So I thought it was interesting that this year my walk reflection would start off with my brother's words "I want to be here."

I've had my "I don't want to be here" periods of life. The pressures and expectations of an eldest daughter - especially in a Samoan household - fuelled a lot of those moments.. other times I felt like I wasn't enough.. I have had many doubts about my worth.

I remember several times crying to God just to end it. I'm glad those are the prayers where God's answer was "No." Same thing He says when I ask to win the lotto 🙄

I am thankful I am currently  in an "I want to be here" period of life. My health and eating choices don't reflect that 😬 but I am working towards it. I am giving myself grace and being kind to myself. I know that while I have the support of my family and friends, I am the only one who can put the healthy food in my mouth and get my tree trunk legs moving 🥴

I seem to have digressed though 🤣

My point was, when I look back on those moments when I thought "why do I even exist Lord?!?" I saw how temporary the feelings were even though they sometimes lasted a while.
And I am bloody glad that I do exist! I know so many people would miss me because I'm actually amazing lol

I'm walking for the me that had those feelings, walking for you if you've had or are feeling those feelings..  please know you are not alone. Reach out, call a friend, call a helpline..go sit in a church and talk to God, go hit a punching bag at the gym or look for a hug. 

You are worth it. 

Day 3

Day 2

Day 1

'I want to be here.'