Jonty Brown

My goal

This year for Mental Health Month; I have decided to stand up and do my part to raise awareness by joining Black Dog Institute's One Foot Forward. I will be walking from Ingham to Cairns and back taking the scenic route. I have decided to walk to Cairns because it's where I came into this world and it's where my journey in life started. I am doing this because my goal is to raise as much money as I can to help young Australians who are struggling to the point where they think there is no way out, but there is. I have struggled with my own mental health significantly throughout my own life; countless specialist appointments, starting from 6 years old for ADHD. Counselling for depression and anxiety started at 10 and continued throughout high school and even into young adulthood now. I am not only doing this to raise money; I am also doing this for my own mental health. Not many people like talking about their mental health, fearing they will be seen as weak or just overreacting. I will let you know why this walk means so much to me. Excuse my language but I'm doing pretty fucking shit at the moment, but in a good way. If you know what I mean? A lifetime of masking who I am to the point that I don't even really know. Years of alcoholism and drug addiction just to numb the constant chatter of worthlessness. Always wondering, no matter how hard I try, why do I always fuck everything up? So you try even harder to meet expectations and you create even more masks that you don't even realise. Year after year, the cycle repeats; more jobs lost, more friends get fed up and walk away. More people asking "why can't you just get your shit together for once in your life?". So here we are, 26 years old. I somehow found myself an amazing woman who has put up with all my bullshit since we first met when I was 19. We are now coming up on our 3rd wedding anniversary in August and have a beautiful 18 month old daughter together. But it hasn't been easy, my wife has seen me at some of the worst versions of myself that I have been in life, completely shattered, but she picked up the pieces and help put me back together. My family is the reason I am finally standing up tall and making mental health my priority. I was spiralling and my alcoholism was taking over. I never actually cared about my mental health, only got the bare minimum help to keep functioning and going to work to provide. My anger was my biggest mask protecting how broken I really was. I almost lost my wife because it was getting too much. So I let go of all my anger; I decided to break the cycle that seems to destroy my whole life. This time I won't let it happen again. My only real goal in life is to be the best dad i can be and build a loving and safe home for my family. I can't do that if I don't start taking my own mental well-being seriously and putting in the work to heal myself. Here I am, months later. I'm at this point where I have to reanalyse my whole life, you know? Re train my own brain to deal with all the hurt in trauma in a healthy way. Crack open all the masks that helped me survive for years that only hinder new growth. It takes a toll. Im absolutely fucking exhausted constantly, but i still show up everyday and do my best for that special little girl who calls me dad because she makes my whole life worthwhile. It's okay to get help. I almost gave up, countless times, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other because it is all worth it. I have a specialist appointment coming up in September. I have finally been taking real initiative to heal so that my daughter never has to go through anything I did as a child. *TRIGGER WARNING* This next paragraph contains a personal story about how suicide affected someone I knew and the devastation it causes It was Christmas time last year and we were in Mackay visiting family. It was night time and we were having dinner when there was an ear piercing scream. Ran out the front and it was the young neighbour across the road so we rushed over. She screamed hysterically "he's in the shed". Had no idea what was going on but went straight out the back. Her 18 year old younger brother had hung himself while no one was home. First thing I did was cut the rope off his neck and start CPR because I didnt know how long he was out; I never stopped until the ambulance came. I really thought I could save him and I wasn't giving up, but it was too late. That's why I want to make an impact this year for Mental Health Month and support Black Dog Institute's One Foot Forward. To raise money to help these struggling young Australians get the guidance and support they need. If you need someone to talk to, reach out. Talk to someone. Please let people know that you are not okay because there are people who really want to help you. ITS NOT WEAK TO SPEAK Share